ADORE
structured conversation that brings you from anger to gratitude
How do you respond when your partner raises their voice in anger? Do you give in just to keep the peace, or do you lash out in frustration? Or maybe you just withdraw entirely.
The problem is that these strategies leave you exhausted and helpless. Shouting brings guilt, silence enables the behaviour, and compliance erodes your sense of self.
What’s more, you don’t feel safe. You end up walking on eggshells, constantly waiting for the next outburst. You hold yourself back, trying to please your partner, but beneath the surface, resentment and despise begin to grow.
Think back to the day you chose them as your partner.
You didn’t choose them to fight every day or to humiliate each other. You chose them for love, for the joy of each other’s company, and to build something bigger than just the two of you.
You chose them because you felt relaxed, confident, and inspired in their presence.
Arguments may threaten to steal that joy, but they shouldn’t destroy the relationship or cause you to lose each other.
You can learn to express frustration constructively, without causing pain.
It is possible to disagree and still love each other deeply.
You can express frustration with tenderness, and you can help each other learn to feel, understand, and communicate that frustration together.
I have been researching how we can communicate our frustrations in a gentle and connecting way. I explored Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication (NVC) and found his technique to be a perfect tool for expressing frustration when we are calm and centered.
However, in a relationship filled with conflict, there are rarely moments where both partners feel calm enough to use these tools effectively. In the heat of an argument, we often feel frustrated, intimidated, or resentful. In those moments, it is extremely difficult to maintain an accepting and understanding attitude towards your partner. And once we do feel calm, we are often afraid to revisit the situation, fearing it might spark a new conflict.
This is exactly why I developed the ADORE communication technique. Based on Non-Violent Communication and psychological insights into healthy frustration, it is a step-by-step plan that guides your conversations about anger, leading you safely toward deeper connection and gratitude.
With ADORE: Overcoming Anger, you will feel safe enough to revisit past arguments, knowing they won’t lead to escalation. You will learn how to create a space where your partner feels safe to share their feelings—and you will know exactly how to receive them in a welcoming, warm, and connecting way.
With ADORE: Overcoming Anger, you will explore together what frustration really is, how it feels, and what it is trying to tell you.
You’ll learn how to hold each other even when frustration arises, discovering that healthy frustration was never meant to destroy your connection. Instead, it was always there to protect your safety and maintain mutual respect.
With the new conversation technique
ADORE: Overcoming Anger
you will
because you know that their emotions aren’t a threat to you.
because you want and can spend more quality time with your partner.
because you know what message is behind the anger or frustration.
because once you understand the function of frustration and anger, and you can get to know each other deeper.
because you are heard and understood in your relationship in a way that you do not experience anywhere else.
You know it yourself: if you know what to do during a crisis, you can relax and enjoy your relationship!
Would you like to
I am Alexandra, an integrative psychotherapist based in Leuven. In my practice, I often work with frustrated partners and parents, and occasionally I experience frustration myself in my own roles as a partner and parent.
I have noticed that many arguments arise when frustration is not properly regulated, which often happens when we do not distinguish between frustration and aggression. My goal is to show you what frustration truly is and why it is so different from aggression. While aggression needs to be controlled, frustration does not. On the contrary, frustration needs space, warmth, and attention.
I believe that with the right support, anyone can process frustration through attention and warmth. You can find this support in heartfelt conversations with friends and family, as well as in psychotherapy or coaching. In these warm exchanges, you experience co-regulation, which is ‘regulating together.’ You explore your frustration alongside someone who is kind and curious, learning together what that emotion is trying to tell you.
I developed the ADORE technique so that you can practice co-regulation with your partner and family, creating a deep and lasting connection.
If you choose to learn ADORE, I will support you throughout the journey with tips, instructions, exercises, and online training. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
Feel your frustration, and enjoy peace and connection. ♥